UPDATED! lol.3 facts about me:1) harry potter rocks my socks.
2) i'm peranakan chinese.
3) i love to sing.
7 things that (will) scare me:1) losing my loved ones
2) falling in love
3) lizards
4) alone in a scary dark unfamiliar place
5) being ignored forever by
someone6) singing in front of people (aka stage fright lah)
7) zombie movies coming true
7 things i like the most:1) things which
someone gave me
2) the beautiful memories...
3) soft toys!
4) cuddles
5) food
6) -
7) -
7 most important things in my room:1) my bed
2) my fat pink rabbit and lagi fatter tara panda
3) laptop! duh!
4) tv + radio
5) wardrobe! - otherwise where to find clothes -.-
6) water bottle
7) toilet! =D
7 random facts about me:1) i can speak and understand malay, though ain't fluent.
2) i love playing floorball.
3) i love dressing girly AND boyish.
4) i suck at science.
5) i'm actually really shy.
6) i am lousy at expressing my innermost feelings.
7) moonflower is my favourite scent.
7 things i plan to do before i die:1) ace in floorball.
2) write my life story (most important and close-to-my-heart happenings).
3) learn and play songs like those from ff on the piano beautifully.
4) appreciate the things and people in my life.
5) marry - if i ever fall again - and have kids.
6) slim down to my desired figure.
7) perform singing in front of many people.
7 things i can do:1) sleep
2) give advice
3) eat. a lot.
4) yak with my gran
5) type fast
6) SNEEZE AFTER EATING MINTS!
7) putting on a strong front
7 things i can't do:1) no fear of lizards
2) ignore my gran
3) fly!!
4) stop thinking abt the past
5) give
someone up wholeheartedly
6) stop missing
someone.7) sing in front of people =/
7 words i say the most:1) idiot leh
2) something-blahblah followed by a "meh!?"
3) eh what lah
4) aper jer
5) i'm bored
6) i wanna sleeeeeep
7) er dunno
7 celeb crushes:1) michael buble
2) tt lead guy "chengjun" from stairways to heaven
3) tt bespectacled cutie from my love patzzi
4) drew fuller
5) -
6) -
7) -
7 people i'll love see doing this:ANYONE LAH!
embraced the mystery
// 12:28 am
Thursday, October 13, 2005
my maternal instincts are kickin' in!
juz came back from sgh; went to visit my cousin and his wife and their newborn baby! hees only a day old! it's the first time i see a newly born baby lehhh =D and omg sooooo cute lah! hahaha! seeing them like that makes me think of myself being in their position in the future seh. but who my husband would be, I DUNNO LAH HAHAHA! anyway, my cousin damn funny lah. when ask him to carry the baby, or wrap the baby properly in the blanket, he like very stressed liddat sia! hahah!
so the beep test was called off, coz it was still raining and the floor is wet =/ ah well, i was rather frustrated actually...BUT, lucky there's aw around; we ran 2.4km today. and usually i would be damn dead beat from it, but today i was so energetic seh. muz go run this saturday as well. so excited! hahaha!
after that, we hung out at the toilet for some time, and left awhile after aisyah has left. slacked at the sports club container, yakked quite a bit, then i went friendstering using aw's lappie while tt crazy woman drew designs on the official shirt -.- purple with orange and pink!? wahhaha anyway i went to my OWN PROFILE, and was contemplating if i should leave a testimonial for myself using aw's account, lol. yeahh i was that bored, and somemore my parents took so long to come!
yay tml going out with nic and most prolly sonia too, and aw will join us a bit later! =D i can wear my nice white long sleeve top from topshop! wahahhahaha! though i dunno should i wear white sandals or girly shoes...HYPER!
embraced the mystery
// 10:19 pm
i am damn bored now.
juz now was so hyper, after i ate ben & jerry's chocolate ice cream. to add on to my happiness, i got an A for microbio, the lesson which i skipped lab for the president's visit! But ack, now my happiness has all been drained out...
i juz wanna faster do the beep test and go home! but hafta wait til 6.30pm lah! kaoz...my patience is running...
AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i wanna go out tomorrow..................=(
embraced the mystery
// 4:52 pm
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
my eyes hurt so muchhhhh!!! actually it was juz now lah, during theory class. i feel ar, it's coz i concentrate too hard liew, but SOME PEOPLE say it's i trying hard to keep my eyes open. ermm, actually quite true lah. Coz the instructor for today's lesson is the same from the previous one!!! I so scared he would ask me qns lah!
eeks my class ended at 4.15pm today lah!! and there were only 3 groups, lol. went to topshop with nic and yati to look for nic's top and my polo tee. ack it doesn't carry my size either, and i'm not willing to buy a size that wouldn't fit me nicely. wanted to stay with them at fujitsu but was kinda running late, so i gotta leave for home first. and the thing i hate a lot as well: crowded trains.
honestly, WHAT IS UP WITH PEOPLE?! when they see the train damn blardy packed, everyone macam sardine in can, THEY STILL SQUEEZE IN. do u know how irritating it is to see people forcing themselves in the train when it's frickin' packed already?! AND lagi best, some dunno how to move more to the inside and leave empty space behind them. wtf?!
aiyah forget it. get angry for what? waste my energy and time, i'm onli 18, dowan to get wrinkles so fast lah.
i am singing now, to make myself happy. hahah =D
it makes me happy to know that you are happy. that is all that matters to me, even though i'm not the one who made you smile.
embraced the mystery
// 10:22 pm
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
ouch ouch ouch!!!
my gastric is killing me. last time i ate was at 12; juz ate dinner not long ago only. drinking chocolate milk at 6 plus didn't work at all...and now the pain is getting unbearable that i gotta bend down..
too lazy to update abt today...it's the floorball 3-on-3 thing...only thing that i can remember so damn clearly is the mild abrasion on my knee which i got while playing the exihibition match. and i didn't even bother to clean it, which was prolly why it kept stinging nonstop.
can't wait to go check out the tops at topshop tml. i'm still not gonna give up looking for my nice polo tee, which is
[this]hahah nic's and my horoscope reading for today so damn accurate lah! hers is abt money, and mine is abt thinking of the past. mine for the next 2 days kept talking abt my appeal, or attractive thing or whatever lah! HAHAH damn funny lah, who the heck would be attracted by my ahem, charms?! lol the thought alone makes me laugh!
oh man i hate gastric.
haunted by the ghost of you and me.
embraced the mystery
// 9:47 pm
Monday, October 10, 2005
listening to "behind these hazel eyes". i can never get tired of this song. love the fact that this song is like damn sad in an angry manner. and great, i'm having a headache!
so i gotta leave after 2nd meeting...bleahs i won't be able to do lab :( ah well, tml i'm gonna hafta wear our very first set of jerseys, the vonda ones! =D i hope i dont embarrass myself when we play floorball tml in front of everyone T_T thinking abt it alone makes me damn nervous, no idea why.
MICHAEL BUBLE CONCERT IS TODAY!!! AND I'M NOT THERE!!! omg i can juz dream abt him singing "the way you look tonight" or "quando quando quando" to me lah! haha i told naz, i confirm melt if this ever happened! the most romantic thing a guy can do is sing to a girl...*swoons hahah mad already me!
shall watch incredible tales, then ANTM before sleeping. I MUST DREAM OF MICHAEL BUBLE TONIGHT! lol!
embraced the mystery
// 10:00 pm
mann my ppt is like so damn brief! so damn nervous abt presenting coz honestly, i haven't been paying much attention, and i couldn't concentrate at all with all the things to be done for tml's event T_T
blah i can't do lab tml!!! and it's the first lab of the sem lah! boooohoooo :( usually i love lab coz so interesting (not the report-writing though :p) but now no lab to do! only hafta do the theory part :(
wooo i'm wearing my new brown top today. but ack, i get a bit uncomfortable at times coz of the v-neck cutting. i reckon it's too low -.- and wearing the nice green belt my mum bought from thailand =D but ar, it interferes with my top when i try pull down to cover my midriff properly -_-
dry run of tml's event later. hope it wont take so long...i still need to go home read up on my driving. haven't done any revision of any sorts at all!
i love my blog song :) sad and meaningful for me. ah, there's a very nice song by natasha bedingfield, titled "i bruised easily". didn't like it initially but it grew on me.
okies i'm hungry now =/
embraced the mystery
// 3:02 pm
Sunday, October 09, 2005
watching "kindred spirit" now. this shengxiao character reminds me so much of someone; a girl whom i used to know. and that girl was me.
she was superficial, she didn't treasure her bf when he was around, until they separated did she realise how much he truly meants to her. she never knew how much she loved him at all.
You've learned that being depressed about the past only delays your progress.this is the main thing that's said abt my horoscope today. honestly? i think it's right. what's the use of being depressed abt the past? does it help me to change my bad points? does it help me study harder? does it help me get motivated to train harder in floorball? apparently not. i can't be stuck in this phase forever, i will either go crazy or kill myself. and i certainly do not want either of those to happen. i went through 4 weeks which had been hell for me. looking back, i feel so stupid abt my words and action. and damn do the weeks passed real quickly.
let nature takes its course.
embraced the mystery
// 5:03 pm
this is gonna be so funny...i dreamt i'd spent too much money till my account has 10 bucks left in it, and when i tried to buy something again, the cashier told me "sorry miss, there isn't enough money in your card"!! this should really teach me to control my spending!
feeling so tired T_T wanted to sleep more but i forced myself to get up, dowan to affect my sleep later at nite. muz record tt vampire show at 11pm, don't wish to stay up cuz i'll have a long day tml, what with all the trial for tuesday's event! was planning to start my stamina-training on tt day but hmmm, guess i'll hafta do on other days now =/
so my plan for this week:
monday - trial run after school
tuesday - president's visit
wednesday - theory training at 7.50pm
thurday - beep test after school
friday - go out! =D
saturday - stay home study
sunday - stay home study
TSK, i muz find time to squeeze in stamina AND fitness training!
hmmm i'm thinking i shld buy canadien stick, the one sonia mentioned ytd. booo dunno =( save up first.
Remember the day I set you free, I told you, you could always count on me. From that day on I made a vow, I'll be there when you want me, some way, some how. 'Cause baby, there ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough, to keep me from getting to you.
Although we are miles apart, deep down in my heart my love is alive.
embraced the mystery
// 11:21 am
Saturday, October 08, 2005
juz came home not long ago. and urgh i feel rather violated. i hate it when i'm standing on bus, men move about and knock into me.
went to eat at fish and nat's workplace, some place called "first thai" with nic and sonia. the food is really yummy, esp the kangkong. blah i bought 2 more tops again...though i said i would not spend money! a white long sleeve top from topshop, and a pink long sleeve button-up blouse from fox. wanted to get this navy blue polo from topshop cuz it looks really very nice, juz the type i'm looking for, but all are either too small or too big =/ shall go baleno soon to check out the tops.
goodness someone shld juz keep my atm card away from me. the thought of dressing up nicely is making me shop too much! damn i muz really stop spending and start saving...i wanna get a floorball stick, a floorball bag, and hard disk as well =(
study...tml...
embraced the mystery
// 10:39 pm
wooo i'm addicted to this siti nurhaliza song, very nice! got it from jasarina, and it's the one i've been looking for! the title is "seindah biasa", very happy-sounding song, lol.
i'm gonna study late at night. my brain doesn't wanna cooperate with me now, and i hafta go for a meeting in school later at 3 abt the floorball open. boooo i'm OM for that day, and i'm so scared i would screw things up! X_x ah well, i'm gonna go out with nic and sonia after the meeting has ended. hehe i know exactly what kinda tops i looking for now! but ack, dunno where to find them =/
hees gonna wear one of the new tops later =D what colour though, hmmm...
embraced the mystery
// 12:57 pm
Friday, October 07, 2005
booo hema can't make it tml =( but nvm lah, she's sick. i can take the time to do notes and study.
immunology today. hees i think ar, i'm damn lucky lah, so far all my teams i'm ok with it. i was really tired though, dozed off at only the 1st presentation =/ and what is up with everyone huh? so many ppl say i slim down a lot! anyway, went jalaning at town juz now. dropped by tiasa to check out sticks, but bahh i dunno what i really want. heard the new batch of unihocs are really good. oh well, shall wait till end of this month, i'm broke anyway.
chocolate ice cream! yummy~ although it isn't as yummy as my all-time favourite now-defunct supermac ice cream from mcdonald =P walked around town till my legs ached so much! actually huh, town isn't that big after all. ain't many places to jalan at :s hehe i went around looking for shoes and girly bag, saw some shoes which are so nice! bought 3 tops from giordano...wasn't planning to buy any clothes but i saw that v-neck tee in brown! so nice! ended up buying 3 - black, white & brown - only 33 bucks lah =D i don't really like the cutting of the v-neck area; too low, but ahh, can wear a necklace over to cover, hahah.
heard that moosettesz are recruiting new players...omg i'm so excited abt it! but...hmmm i know i'm so amateurish in floorball but it's juz so wow. wanna give it a shot...if in the end i didn't get in, i'll be disappointed, of course, but will be fine coz at least i know i've tried. so damn motivated to work hard! shall plan my regime and schedule after i'm done with rj; benny koh sets thinking scientific rj sia...but good also, so long i work hard =D
embraced the mystery
// 10:04 pm
my previous entry, juz some praise for myself k, nothing more than that.
30 mins more to 3rd meeting. i think there's something wrong with my right knee. i hafta stretch it after sitting in a position for a while =/ painful, sigh.
everyone seem to be having problems lately. make me feel that what i'm going through now is juz the tip of an iceberg. ahh well, on a happier note, i'm going out with hema tml. been a long time since i last saw her. feels good to catch up with old friends..
this song juz started playing and i feel it's really...nice...by mariah carey.
I remember when you used to be mine
Way back when
I was too naive to love you right
But now if I only had the opportunity
I would do anything
Because my heart still believes
Maybe you could be mine again
Maybe we could make that dream for real
Like way back then
When love was yours and mine
Maybe we could bring it back to life
It's irrelevant to dwell on the past
I'm accountable for what went bad
And I mean that
But I keep on praying for another chance
Just to have you back
Cause I've grown
And I know how to be your everything
Maybe you could be mine again
Maybe we could make that dream for real
Like way back then
When love was yours and mine
Maybe we could bring it back to life
No, no it ain't over yet
I just can't accept the possibility
We were made for each other's arms
I know you're my destiny
We can't erase what was meant to be
Part of you and part of me
If we try one more time
Maybe somehow we'll survive
embraced the mystery
// 1:33 pm
Thursday, October 06, 2005
i'm home. today's molecular and cell biology. it was ok; jocelyn is our fac =D well i managed to focus and do my work, though i tuned out as soon as my group has finished presenting. i went to read past chat logs and past blog entries again. tsk tsk, i juz can't keep my hands off them, can i? ah...i felt happy today, nothing affected me actually, until i read the things i mentioned above...
i am
not a perfect girl. i make mistakes;
i'm only human. but
dammit, i'm a good girl no matter what i've done and not done. i don't flirt (unless it's my own bf, duh), i don't sleep around like other girls (yes there ARE girls my age or even younger who sleeps around), i try to be nice to everyone,
i don't fucking go for looks in a guy. it may not be obvious but when i'd truly fallen in love with a guy, i'd love everything about him and trust him. i don't fucking approve of cheating on the other half. sure i may seem to be praising myself but fuck, this is how i truly am. i know i made a lot of mistakes in the past but DAMMIT EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES! i'm not fucking lil' miss perfect.
i juz wanna slap myself awake properly, when i shld have been long ago. there are a 1000 reasons for me to give up, but why do i hafta be so stubborn in the things that i believe in?
till this present moment, i'm still the same.
the loneliness at night makes one miserable so easily.
i do not dare to think too much, as i'm all alone.
my shadow grows longer as the sun starts shining,
i walk aimlessly in the cold street.
haven't heard anything from you; i miss you.
don't leave me if you love me.
if you wanna say you don't love me,
i don't wanna hear you say the words out.
won't you shower me with tenderness once more?translated the song from "ai wo bie zhou". reckon i did it badly. blah WHATEVER! rantings.
don't tell a person u love him/her if u don't truly mean it as forever.
love is for a lifetime, not for a moment.
embraced the mystery
// 5:17 pm
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
blah i'm not watching "charmed", forgot tt i've dled this epi long ago already.
booooo there ain't no training tml! mannn i'm dying to train lah. TSK!!!
embraced the mystery
// 10:45 pm
there's sports nutrition today. the fac is ok, funny and chatty guy. hmmm not bad, interesting module. blah i'm all alone lah, no one i know. but lucky, yati has a friend in my class too and she introed us. and she's in my team ^_^ but ok lah, the class ppl are ok, rather noisy at times but ok. there are like, 3 girls, and 6/7 guys present.
nic + yati + joey went to watch "dukes of hazzard"! blah they ask me go but hmm, it's at ps...............AH well, i went home and dozed off for almost 2 hours -_- woke up feeling all irritated with everything and everyone. blah. now my hand kinda hurts, dunno why. then started my daily procedure of yakking with my gran =D hehe i lurve talking to her.
on the bus home, there was this old couple who boarded the bus. awww damn sweet, cuz i could see the old lady was holding on to her husband's hand (they were sitting infront of me). the best thing to have when u're old is a companion, better if it's someone u love deeply.
i could tell my gran misses my granddad a lot even though it's been many years since his death - he died before my parents got married. the way she talks abt her past and all...haha i love to hear her talk abt her times when she was young; how she put on a black face at a matchmaking cuz she disliked the guy, her first love, how she came to know my granddad. wah if i could create a time machine, i would love to go back to her time and see her when she was young, how she looked like then etc.
"charmed" is starting in 4 mins! =D
embraced the mystery
// 9:56 pm
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
my joey download has onli 2.5% left and it's not moving!!! >=(
school was great today. i like my team for microbio, and the topic itself is interesting. ooo best thing of all, i had lunch with jasarina! hees this girl ar, the first friend i made in rp. talked and laughed alot, and i actually had appetite to eat as well! then i said something and tt woman juz spit out her drink ON MY PLATE! lucky didn't kena much of my food. and she said my figure very nice, HAHAHAHAHAH -_- now tt is comforting =P was so happy in school juz now, though on the way home, my mind juz start thinking abt the past again.
hmmm, this jessea girl on tv now, her character's husband doesn't love her anymore, and flared up at her, said things like "what's the point of getting married" etc etc. she got herself drunk at one point. then she and her singing instructor almost kissed seh. tt instructor has always been attracted to her lah.
my mum said i slimmed down a lot, and warned me not to take slimming pills -_- goodness, have i really slimmed down!? i think i look the same, and i feel the same, only lighter now =/ blah, i'm looking forward to training my stamina and fitness. and oh, better start doing notes for the different modules already, before i lag again like last sem. FOCUS! STUDIES, DRIVING, FLOORBALL & FAMILY! these are my top priorities now. i think. ok yes confirm they are.
embraced the mystery
// 8:46 pm
Monday, October 03, 2005
all refreshed, fed and erm, yah.
i didn't wear a skirt as planned, due to unforseen circumstances. met liyana before going up to class and yay we formed our own group. med tech is ok, but gets really complicating with the different blahblah cytes. bleahs i muz really do notes on it asap, otherwise i'm gonna lag behind badly. and OOOOOO guess what? i received a stalk of pink rose! haha nice...i rarely get things like that. and now it's flattened cuz i put it inside my bag when i was on the bus to the driving centre =x
so, i had my first theory lesson for driving juz now. it was ok, but i was so tired that i kept dozing off. ack and the instructor knew i wasn't paying attention! cuz he ask everyone individually their answer to a qn, and after i've answered, he said something like "u didn't pay attention but u answered so thank you" -_- embarrassing. poor me, was having cramps but took medicine and THANKFULLY the pain eased soon after. otherwise i'm a goner, cuz i was really cold at that time.
well so, juz gotta say, life may suck big time now since situation's different, BUT, life still has to go on, doesn't it? yeah i admit, i was devestated in the afternoon, what's more add that with a discovery i made yesterday. BUT, i cannot go on like that forever, juz need to get more used to it. i hafta understand why things have ended like that and accept it.
this is life. there are both ups and downs, all part and parcel of life. u are right, living here is harsh. life itself
is very harsh. the goal of life is up to me to find. whatever happens, either i hafta be strong and accept it, or fall terribly. and sad to say, i still am not strong enough. but i will do all i can to be; i'm sure going through this phase would make me grow up.
OUCH MY CRAMP IS CREEPING BACK AGAIN!!! T_T
embraced the mystery
// 9:57 pm
when last semester first started, i used to go to school with anticipation and a purpose, with a hint of excitement. nope, it ain't studies. and now i juz can't be enthusiastic abt anything, as much as i try to. i can't go around talking and laughing like i'm ok when i'm not. i have got no appetite no matter how hungry i am. i can't hide the look of envy when i see couples, no matter how hard i try. is this what my life gonna be from now? putting on a mask to fool the world that i'm strong? i'm not sure if i can do it at all. 2 sightings is enough to plunge me back into depression, and more than enough to make my heart long for the past.
yes, i've actually managed to convince myself that i would be alright, that things would be fine since i managed to live life like normal with no special someone before, and that this is juz a phase i'm going through. but, i juz dunno anymore...right now i'm supposed to do work but i've lost all that concentration; i can't stop thinking about the ghost of the past. sure, now i can do things which used to be frowned upon on, but i'm not happy at all.
does anything about me matter at all? it hurts like fuck when it seems that it doesn't. the price of making mistakes......
embraced the mystery
// 12:35 pm
Sunday, October 02, 2005
i am back.
do not ask me why i'd closed my blog. i had my reason then, and now the reason is no longer the case anymore since situation has changed. so ok, i'd been obsessing over the layout for many many hours. i found this skin at blogskin, pure and simple one.
tml is a new semester! yikes i'm dreading it, i still dislike science as much as ever, and i don't like to meet new ppl again -.- shy lah. gonna meet liyana at canteen first before going up to class. i'm also gonna have my first theory lesson for driving tml too at 6pm. that means i gotta rush off when class ends. scareddd.
woohoo i'm gonna be girly and wear a skirt tml, with the shoes nicky gave me =D
ok off to watch my tv and sleep! would appreciate comments, thanks.
embraced the mystery
// 11:44 pm